I’m writing this blog post to talk about an experience I had awhile ago. An experience that left room for reflection and new growth. I shared about it briefly on an instagram post, and I wanted to go into more detail with it here. Because, I think it’s something every writer will experience, and should experience; and understand that it is okay when it happens. Also, it’s a chance to be prepared and aware of how to handle...someone not liking your work.
I signed up on the site, Critique Partner, to find people to beta read the novel length story I am currently working on. And I have found some really great connections through there. One of my partners, I’ve made into an IG friend, which is so sweet! I can message any of my partners for help and insight and everyone is so willing to offer some suggestions or tools. The way my partners relay their critique somehow comes across the internet as helpful, constructive and kind. That had been my experience for the most part, until I received feedback from someone that left me feeling...really bad. I don’t know how to explain the emotion; I suppose a mixture of: rejection, fear, self pity and not feeling good enough.
They gave suggestions at some points that did help me and I used to better the chapter, but their comments somehow came across as condescending. Perhaps masked by the comments of, “there’s no plot here,” “your character isn’t relatable,” “I don’t like this part.” And while they are totally valid in their opinion, having someone attack my work in that matter, it’s hard not to get caught up in what other people say. There can be a hundred people shouting love, but somehow we focus on the whisper of one person.
I mean, as a writer, we’re literally putting our heart and soul out there, and allowing people to glimpse into that part of us. So, I think for a moment we’re bound to feel bad.
Now here’s what happened for me. First, I got mad. I started taking all the suggestions in a I’ll show you, kind of manner. Making up stories in my head about how awful they are for saying something like that. Second, I felt sad. I wandered around the house, going over and over what they said and that it means I’m a bad writer, and not good enough to be doing this. Finally, I sought help. I called my sister, who I trust and value for feedback, and asked her to remind me what tools I can use to stop the spiral I was on.
I was coming to some conclusions on my own, but we went over the idea that “not everyone is going to like your writing, and that’s okay.” As a reader, I have read countless books where I didn’t like the book. And that is okay. Other people are allowed to feel the same thing.
Also for me, experiencing this for the first time, I need to understand that my writing won’t be ‘perfect’ the first time around, and I came to the website for help, in the first place.
I created mantras for myself, mostly chanting I am good enough all day and night.
I took a break from reading critiques, even the helpful/kind ones.
I picked up a ‘feelgood’ book and did some reading.
This experience also felt like good practice for if I ever do receive a bad review or negative feedback, in the future, from an unknown face.
I also want to touch on the ‘getting angry’ part. This can fuel you for a little bit, maybe make you do some writing in that ‘I’ll show you’ manner, but it is not sustainable. It will not leave you feeling good for long, or at all. Anger is valid, for a moment. Allow yourself to feel it, let it go and then find something that makes you feel good before you come back to whatever triggered you.
You need to know, and something I too am working on too: You are enough. Your writing is good enough. And your story deserves to be told and shared with the world.
The more you tell yourself this, the more you focus on yourself and doing what makes you feel good; the more you will be able to take the feedback and apply it, where it feels right. The more chances you will have to keep bettering your writing.
This won’t be the last time I have this experience, but at least now I know what I have to do. I’ve felt the spectrum of swaying from one emotion to the other. I understand that it is all valid and all has a place in this scary practice of writing.
Be vulnerable. We’re all living in this world, afraid to share or give up parts of ourselves. When we finally do, there is a raucous of people feeling the same way and saying, ‘me too me too.’ And when we share, we validate everyone's feelings and instead of commiserating, we can celebrate together.
Some of the best connections made are through authenticity and sharing the real parts of yourself.
I hope you find it in yourself to share more too. And I promise, I will be there cheering you on!
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